Does anyone remember the George Costanza style short balding guy I went out with twice? Well, after our 2 date roll, I confirmed what I already knew, that short bald guys don't get me hot. I tried, we went out, it was okay, but mostly he was a simpleton and conversation although pressure free, was interest free as well. Baldie and I had nothing in common. He seemed harmless and after my recent bout with bi-polar Doug, a night out with a classic nice guy seemed like a fine thing to do. I gave a not hot, not tall, not good looking, not rich nor successful guy a shot. It seemed liked a sporting thing to do. And as I said before, I tried, I was open minded, not completely shallow, and it didn't pay off. You'd think the gods of he said, she said would note that I had gone out with an ugly guy and cut me some kind of dating break. Not to be.
Before I left for vacation I told Not Hot Bald Guy that I didn't see us having a relationship, basically because we had nothing in common, I'd be busy and am planning to leave NY in October anyway (a lie). I though that would be enough to end our 2 date friendship. Not so. He called a few more times, I was polite but ended each conversation with I'm busy, can't see you, and since we have nothing in common and I'm moving soon, it makes sense that we don't go out again. I was firm but kind. Or so I thought. The call volume increased, even though I had made it clear I wasn't keen to speak again, and I know he understood it on some level because as I began screening his calls he began calling from a variety of different 212 numbers to throw me off the track and trick me into picking up. My response was to screen more stringently and eventually I ended getting a mass of voice messages and 10 page texts about how he didn't understand why I wasn't calling him back, taking his calls, etc. Was I okay, he was worried, why was I being rude? What had he done to offend me? Blah, blah, blah. It was getting freakin annoying so I sent him a 2 line text: I'm not interested in you, please do not contact me again. And just as i hit send the final wave of insane voice and text messages came through. Apparently I am a cruel bitch, "who's done this before", I used him (??) He liked me, he deserves an explanation, he was nice to me and I am evil. As a woman, I am not free to stalk men, nor do I have any desire to. If a guy says I'm not into you, I back off. If he sends mixed signals like booty calls, etc. I understand he's into the sex but not into me. I do not respond to an overt screening my call blow off by using trick phone numbers and calling from restricted lines. Unbelievable.
Another reason men make me wretch: Bi-polar Doug who pretty much Jekyll/Hyded me for a few months, loved me on Sunday, blew me off Monday, stalked me on Tuesday, thought we were wrong for each other Wednesday, missed me on Thursday (you get the point) had the nerve to email me again. As if the text he sent recently didn't go through... I don't plan to respond to him ever again. He was really hot, but not that great in bed for a bi-polar whack job, not worth the effort, the bullshit, etc. I'm over it, and his occasional pathetic how are you text just pisses me off, cease desist, drop dead.
I could call Guilliano, the sexy foreign guy, he was cute and has left the appropriate amount of messages, and since I'm not returning his call, he stopped calling, it shows me he's sensible has some self respect, is hot and can find a cute girl for sex easily, so why don't I call him? It's rather hot out, need cooler weather, cooler men, would rather masturbate than put up with bullshit.
Have a feeling it's gonna be a while.
July 31, 2007
July 25, 2007
don't write, don't fuck - what do you do?
Heat has subsided (a little), but libido hasn't increased.
July 19, 2007
July 10, 2007
Too darn hot
I noticed it about a week ago (my overwhelming lack of desire). I haven't had or even craved a boy in over a week. Generally, I can't go even 3 days without a roll, some cuddle, a liaison, something. And yet, for the last 7-10 days I've not once glanced at a boy with hunger in my cotton drawers or wondered what size the waiter's cock or the guy in the subway sitting beside me might be. I feel strange, weak, lost, without purpose; Am I finally over meaningless sex?
It just can't be. If I give up meaningless sex, I may never have sex again, at all. And that's not me. I like sex (a lot). I have sex (plenty of it). And just cause I'm not in love, doesn't mean I don't deserve to get some lovin. I'm not gonna wait for a special guy - gonna wait for a dip in the heat. I realized today post text from 2 boys I'd normally meet (Guiliano and MG, my point exactly, I never turn down MG), that I'm just not interested in sex right now, cause it's a hot sweaty business and I'm hot and sweaty enough as is.
The a/c is on - I am off. Hope this heatwave ends soon.
It just can't be. If I give up meaningless sex, I may never have sex again, at all. And that's not me. I like sex (a lot). I have sex (plenty of it). And just cause I'm not in love, doesn't mean I don't deserve to get some lovin. I'm not gonna wait for a special guy - gonna wait for a dip in the heat. I realized today post text from 2 boys I'd normally meet (Guiliano and MG, my point exactly, I never turn down MG), that I'm just not interested in sex right now, cause it's a hot sweaty business and I'm hot and sweaty enough as is.
The a/c is on - I am off. Hope this heatwave ends soon.
July 07, 2007
I don't know what I want
But I do know what I don't want. I don't want to work. I can't express in words (but maybe via interpretive dance) how much I have enjoyed my 3 months (so far) of living off savings and not reporting to work. I am my own boss. I take afternoons naps. I can spend an entire day wandering around my neighborhood or any neighborhood I choose. Sometimes I go to the gym, the post office, meet a friend for lunch, catch a buzz midday. I went to France and the beach and up to BF's in the Bronx.
Thursday I head to Berlin. I'm meeting a friend there. I have no work to finish before vacation pressure, no deadlines, no boss waiting for me with a large pile of work upon my return. My only responsibility is to water my plants before I go, then water them again when I return. I'll get another manicure, pack a bag, that's it. Life is good. Being unemployed is great. All the naysayers that warned me I'd be bored were wrong. I read three books, have a golden bronze tan, go out late night mid week, have sex between 9am and 5pm, am never rushing to get anywhere and haven't spilled coffee on myself or forgotten my keys or lost my cell phone. Everyone I meet tells me I look really relaxed, as if they're surprised.
Taking the summer off was a great idea, my idea, no regrets, except that it can't last forever.
Thursday I head to Berlin. I'm meeting a friend there. I have no work to finish before vacation pressure, no deadlines, no boss waiting for me with a large pile of work upon my return. My only responsibility is to water my plants before I go, then water them again when I return. I'll get another manicure, pack a bag, that's it. Life is good. Being unemployed is great. All the naysayers that warned me I'd be bored were wrong. I read three books, have a golden bronze tan, go out late night mid week, have sex between 9am and 5pm, am never rushing to get anywhere and haven't spilled coffee on myself or forgotten my keys or lost my cell phone. Everyone I meet tells me I look really relaxed, as if they're surprised.
Taking the summer off was a great idea, my idea, no regrets, except that it can't last forever.
July 06, 2007
Can't get printer set-up & am ready to cry
Fucking typical. I choose the righteous path of setting up the new printer (instead of having all night sex with the Brazilian) only to find it can't be done. I can't get the mac and the brother to work together even though the box clearly states mac compatable. I want to cry (for several reasons). Every techie friend I have is mad at me cause I don't want to have sex with them anymore.
I will try again tomorrow to get the printer to work, and if it doesn't I will a) throw the laptop into the street from my fifth floor window, or b) place an ad on Craigslist for nice techie to come by and set up printer for $$$$.
3 cheers for craig and his lists and for the techie that will save me!
I will try again tomorrow to get the printer to work, and if it doesn't I will a) throw the laptop into the street from my fifth floor window, or b) place an ad on Craigslist for nice techie to come by and set up printer for $$$$.
3 cheers for craig and his lists and for the techie that will save me!
I might be ill - even date with Brazillian and night of sex ahead bores me
Somebody take my temperature. It's early friday and I've planned to spend tonight with Guliano, the Italian from Brazil, I mentioned he was cute, and damn, he really is. Shouldn't I be glad that he called for a second date? I guess, but guys are ample these days and I suppose you have to be hungry to want to eat. There is no chase in the chase, boys give in so easily. I'll admit, it's nice not to have to beg for it, but then again, begging would be fun too --- can't remember the last guy that I actually had to scheme to have.
I'm bored. Easy dick, is just that, easy. I'm craving something more complicated this weekend. Guiliano, with his brilliant blue eyes, thick curly hair and accent are getting blown off tonight. Sorry, but it has to be done.
I need a new printer (that implies I have an old printer, but I have NO printer), I will buy one today, set it up tonight.
Time to crank the A/C, I'm taking the night off.
I'm bored. Easy dick, is just that, easy. I'm craving something more complicated this weekend. Guiliano, with his brilliant blue eyes, thick curly hair and accent are getting blown off tonight. Sorry, but it has to be done.
I need a new printer (that implies I have an old printer, but I have NO printer), I will buy one today, set it up tonight.
Time to crank the A/C, I'm taking the night off.
July 02, 2007
Boys with accents make me swoon or "Sunday update"
Sunday with Guilano was nice. He was adorable and I was pleased to parade him around the neighborhood. Earlier, I bumped into my neighbor, a creep, who offered to have sex with me if I find myself lonely or horny and in need of some affection. He recommended I knock on his door. I laughed in his face, pretty much let him know that I would not be that lonely or horny, EVER. Later when Guliano and I were walking hand in hand down 4th Street we bumped into my creepy neighbor and I gave him a look that screamed, why would I ever knock on your door, you ugly fuck, when I have the option of a guy this cute, c'mon, do I look lonely, in need of affection?
Guiliano was romantic, funny, must have told me I was beautiful at least 50 times. I taught him a new expression, "don't hold your breath" and I failed when I tried to explain the difference between though and although. I was wrong about his English. He actually spoke well. He understood everything I said and his responses were sophisticated despite his only being in the U.S. eight months. He used past tense when he was discussing the present but that only made me like him more. The accent was amazing and his 30 second phone call in which he spoke Portuguese could have easily made me orgasm. Blue eyes, curly dark hair and a 4 year old in Brazil, named Gabriel, which probably means he also has a wife or worse a girlfriend he really loves. He said he's been living like a monk in NY and that was enough to make me believe it was because he was trying to be faithful to whatever is waiting for him in his country, Brazil, a place where it never snows. His first snow was in NY and he mentioned it was beautiful, but of course, difficult to walk in.
After the wine bar and our stroll I invited him up to my apartment. We had sex twice over 5 hours, but mostly we talked and he asked me to look in his eyes, but I couldn't. The sex was sort of awkward and I told him we could have had a beautiful first time if we had actually known each other and he told me that Americans are repressed despite the fact that we have "Girls gone wild" and are world leaders in the porn industry. He said you could spend a year talking, but everyone is a stranger the first time they remove all their clothes for someone. He said it was really nice hearing someone say "your cock feels so good," and "deeper" in a language other than his own. I wanted to tell him he showed me more kindness and warmth in one afternoon, than the last guy I dated did in over 4 months, but of course, I didn't.
Guiliano was romantic, funny, must have told me I was beautiful at least 50 times. I taught him a new expression, "don't hold your breath" and I failed when I tried to explain the difference between though and although. I was wrong about his English. He actually spoke well. He understood everything I said and his responses were sophisticated despite his only being in the U.S. eight months. He used past tense when he was discussing the present but that only made me like him more. The accent was amazing and his 30 second phone call in which he spoke Portuguese could have easily made me orgasm. Blue eyes, curly dark hair and a 4 year old in Brazil, named Gabriel, which probably means he also has a wife or worse a girlfriend he really loves. He said he's been living like a monk in NY and that was enough to make me believe it was because he was trying to be faithful to whatever is waiting for him in his country, Brazil, a place where it never snows. His first snow was in NY and he mentioned it was beautiful, but of course, difficult to walk in.
After the wine bar and our stroll I invited him up to my apartment. We had sex twice over 5 hours, but mostly we talked and he asked me to look in his eyes, but I couldn't. The sex was sort of awkward and I told him we could have had a beautiful first time if we had actually known each other and he told me that Americans are repressed despite the fact that we have "Girls gone wild" and are world leaders in the porn industry. He said you could spend a year talking, but everyone is a stranger the first time they remove all their clothes for someone. He said it was really nice hearing someone say "your cock feels so good," and "deeper" in a language other than his own. I wanted to tell him he showed me more kindness and warmth in one afternoon, than the last guy I dated did in over 4 months, but of course, I didn't.
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