I tried to paint but the colors ran in a way that made a flower look like a hill with a climber who had far to go.
I painted fast and hard, but not pretty, not profound, so I wrote instead and my thoughts so deep and bright, on paper seemed harsh and trite, so I focused my energies and placed my hope in a fried egg sandwich.
In that first bite I was redeemed.
Washing the dish and pan also gave me great pleasure.
ves.
August 29, 2006
One weekend with my nephew and suddenly men find me irresistible
My 12 year old nephew came to stay with me in NY for a long weekend. I'd been promising him a visit all summer and with school just one week away, it was time to give in and hang out with the kid. We had a really nice time, seriously. He came on Thursday and left Monday, and during that time he was the best roommate I'd ever had. He washed the few glasses in the sink and even took out the recyclables. We ran errands, shopped (scoop warehouse sale and the boy never complained), caught a movie, visited with friends (mine), saw a show and ate in endless diners. He's a cool kid. I really like him a lot.
Hanging around the city together I suppose we looked like a mom and son. I am technically old enough to be his mother and men in the street seemed really into that. My street approval ratings were freakishly high for all 5 days we scoured the city together. Men saw me holding his hand and in a moment they got that creepy animal seduction stare. It was pretty unexpected. All that 3 summers ago MILF stuff just didn't seem like street truth to me. I never gave moms a second thought, especially as competition, cause I'm in NY and hot mommies are in L.A. Isn't that where magazine perfect moms like Rachel Hunter and Kate Hudson live? Regardless of my no make-up, jeans, sneakers and tee look, I got the hungry twiceover from guys of every race, black, white, hispanic and asian (just kidding, everyone knows asian guys never give the wolflike, I will devour you if given the chance look). Men's response to me when accessorized with a 12 year old boy, leads me to believe that a woman who is capable of mothering is a total turn on for men. Me, a short, average looking brunette armed with a healthy 12 year old boy was instantly transformed into a universally desired woman. At a glance, I was capable of handling men's needs/neediness (cooking, cleaning, caring, nurturing, bandaging).
For many reasons, when Monday arrived I was sad to see the kid go. I kind of liked that the super hot dad in Banana Republic buying jeans for his 15 year old son ( I know that because he chatted me up while we waited for our individual boys outside the dressing room) was clearly smitten with me, an aunt that seemed like a mom. I noticed him, noticing that I, had no wedding ring on (neither did he) and I know he was about to take it a step further with questions like where do you work, etc. in an effort to give/take my number, but I do have a boyfriend, and I was pretty sure that being outed as the aunt would have plummeted my attractiveness level from woman with a kid whose biological clock no longer ticks cause she's satiated in the kids department to lonely aunt who loves playing mommy and desperately wants a kid of her own, neither of which is true, but men love to assess these situations and size us up as quickly as we do them... So at first chance I grabbed my nephew, paid for his new jeans and ran out of the store into the crowded soho streets where sexy dad would never be able to find us.
Interestingly enough, other women who saw me and my nephew and interacted with us, didn't take us for mother and son at all. The tailor who measured my sleeves for shortening asked if he was my brother because she could tell I was "way too young" to have a son his age. Not true at all, she was buttering me up right before she quoted $25 for shortening the sleeves on a jacket that only cost me $50. I am not too young to have a sixth grader, I just don't have the look or wear and tear of a woman with kids, and other women sense that. I'm exhausted, but not in the way that moms are. My tired look is from too many glasses of wine and waiting up for my musician boyfriend to come over after gigs so we can have sex late late late night. Big difference.
Hanging around the city together I suppose we looked like a mom and son. I am technically old enough to be his mother and men in the street seemed really into that. My street approval ratings were freakishly high for all 5 days we scoured the city together. Men saw me holding his hand and in a moment they got that creepy animal seduction stare. It was pretty unexpected. All that 3 summers ago MILF stuff just didn't seem like street truth to me. I never gave moms a second thought, especially as competition, cause I'm in NY and hot mommies are in L.A. Isn't that where magazine perfect moms like Rachel Hunter and Kate Hudson live? Regardless of my no make-up, jeans, sneakers and tee look, I got the hungry twiceover from guys of every race, black, white, hispanic and asian (just kidding, everyone knows asian guys never give the wolflike, I will devour you if given the chance look). Men's response to me when accessorized with a 12 year old boy, leads me to believe that a woman who is capable of mothering is a total turn on for men. Me, a short, average looking brunette armed with a healthy 12 year old boy was instantly transformed into a universally desired woman. At a glance, I was capable of handling men's needs/neediness (cooking, cleaning, caring, nurturing, bandaging).
For many reasons, when Monday arrived I was sad to see the kid go. I kind of liked that the super hot dad in Banana Republic buying jeans for his 15 year old son ( I know that because he chatted me up while we waited for our individual boys outside the dressing room) was clearly smitten with me, an aunt that seemed like a mom. I noticed him, noticing that I, had no wedding ring on (neither did he) and I know he was about to take it a step further with questions like where do you work, etc. in an effort to give/take my number, but I do have a boyfriend, and I was pretty sure that being outed as the aunt would have plummeted my attractiveness level from woman with a kid whose biological clock no longer ticks cause she's satiated in the kids department to lonely aunt who loves playing mommy and desperately wants a kid of her own, neither of which is true, but men love to assess these situations and size us up as quickly as we do them... So at first chance I grabbed my nephew, paid for his new jeans and ran out of the store into the crowded soho streets where sexy dad would never be able to find us.
Interestingly enough, other women who saw me and my nephew and interacted with us, didn't take us for mother and son at all. The tailor who measured my sleeves for shortening asked if he was my brother because she could tell I was "way too young" to have a son his age. Not true at all, she was buttering me up right before she quoted $25 for shortening the sleeves on a jacket that only cost me $50. I am not too young to have a sixth grader, I just don't have the look or wear and tear of a woman with kids, and other women sense that. I'm exhausted, but not in the way that moms are. My tired look is from too many glasses of wine and waiting up for my musician boyfriend to come over after gigs so we can have sex late late late night. Big difference.
August 23, 2006
I asked nicely
This makes 2 times in recent weeks that I asked nicely for something and voila it was mine. The nice folks (folk?) at blog of the day were kind enough to grant me BOTD status for "SMF" my August 22 entry. All this blogging is fun and i enjoy the blah di dah, but I kind of like the thought of someone out there actually reading it vs. me just tap tap tapping away for nada.
Stuff is good. No complaints. I am tan and happy, well rested and relaxed. Things are aligned in a way that I should be ok to start a diet tomorrow so I can be my slim super cutest for my new job. Two tiny acts of kindness directed towards me and I am ready to pay the universe back by being cuter and slimmer and wearing my heels to the office (not my less sexy flats) for at least the first few weeks of my new gig.
Not impressed? No icecream, no pizza, more fruit, no beer... situps and skipping cocktails is plenty of proof that I am a worthy recipient of recent kindnesses directed towards me. I can take a few weeks of healthy living, but any more than that and I am bound to unravel. Any good I may have done will be erased when I turn into a professional grade cranky asshole, deprived of my snacks and naps for
too long.
Stuff is good. No complaints. I am tan and happy, well rested and relaxed. Things are aligned in a way that I should be ok to start a diet tomorrow so I can be my slim super cutest for my new job. Two tiny acts of kindness directed towards me and I am ready to pay the universe back by being cuter and slimmer and wearing my heels to the office (not my less sexy flats) for at least the first few weeks of my new gig.
Not impressed? No icecream, no pizza, more fruit, no beer... situps and skipping cocktails is plenty of proof that I am a worthy recipient of recent kindnesses directed towards me. I can take a few weeks of healthy living, but any more than that and I am bound to unravel. Any good I may have done will be erased when I turn into a professional grade cranky asshole, deprived of my snacks and naps for
too long.
August 22, 2006
SMF
2 weeks notice, 3 of the sweetest words, when used in that order, post fetching a cup of ice for a fat fuck with a comb over. Yeah, I'll admit that mostly I loved my job, the one I had these past two years only because the job I had the year before that sucked so hard. I went from the worst job in Manhattan to a pretty ok job, with a generous salary for my individual contribution --- by comparison, my last job was great, amazing, a joy each day, but after 2 years and a much better offer, I had to say sayonara mother fuckers. And I mean that in the sweetest way. That's who I am. I'll give my best, work late and hard, but it won't last forever.
I knew my days were numbered and that it wouldn't be much longer after I had sex with a guy from the office. I was bored, needed a diversion, and if sex with a co-worker doesn't add some daytime drama, nothing will. Isn't that horrible... I claim to cheat on my dear sweet boyfriend because I'm bored at work. My boyfriend is a musician, not the type of job where money rolls in consistently, so I am relied upon at times to pick up my fair share of bar tabs and such. We can't both be broke, can we? That wouldn't help the relationship much either, so if I have to sleep with a guy from the office just to keep up my morale, I'm willing to do just that.
Incidentally, office guy was a joke to sleep with --- his skills were completely non existent, so was his cock and broke musician boyfriend has inches to spare and kisses so sweet and skilled I have absolutely no excuse for ever needing to seek kisses and such elsewhere. Cheating can't be about sex, cause if it was, I'd clearly be faithful, at least this time. God knows I have been faithful to far less accomplished lovers than "S".
I'm hoping my summertime hook ups, sneaking around and being a slut doesn't end up a habit. Twice in the past two weeks I have been able to control myself when a extra-relationship hookup was looming. In the moment when things were about to go a step too far, I closed my eyes and imagined a bucket of ice water falling over me - within seconds I was soggy and ashamed and able to pull myself together. It's not easy behaving in a manner suitable to a girl with some dignity and a boyfriend. The clock ticks and I get older each second. I wonder how much longer guys will be perving on me? Will I regret not taking advantage of these days of ample suitors and boys still eager to bed me?
I knew my days were numbered and that it wouldn't be much longer after I had sex with a guy from the office. I was bored, needed a diversion, and if sex with a co-worker doesn't add some daytime drama, nothing will. Isn't that horrible... I claim to cheat on my dear sweet boyfriend because I'm bored at work. My boyfriend is a musician, not the type of job where money rolls in consistently, so I am relied upon at times to pick up my fair share of bar tabs and such. We can't both be broke, can we? That wouldn't help the relationship much either, so if I have to sleep with a guy from the office just to keep up my morale, I'm willing to do just that.
Incidentally, office guy was a joke to sleep with --- his skills were completely non existent, so was his cock and broke musician boyfriend has inches to spare and kisses so sweet and skilled I have absolutely no excuse for ever needing to seek kisses and such elsewhere. Cheating can't be about sex, cause if it was, I'd clearly be faithful, at least this time. God knows I have been faithful to far less accomplished lovers than "S".
I'm hoping my summertime hook ups, sneaking around and being a slut doesn't end up a habit. Twice in the past two weeks I have been able to control myself when a extra-relationship hookup was looming. In the moment when things were about to go a step too far, I closed my eyes and imagined a bucket of ice water falling over me - within seconds I was soggy and ashamed and able to pull myself together. It's not easy behaving in a manner suitable to a girl with some dignity and a boyfriend. The clock ticks and I get older each second. I wonder how much longer guys will be perving on me? Will I regret not taking advantage of these days of ample suitors and boys still eager to bed me?
August 02, 2006
I love Michael Knight
Reality TV confession time. After last season I vowed not to watch another lame ass episode of American Idol, except for initial tryouts when whack jobs take off their straight jackets and show up to sing their hearts out. I watched, I watched, I whined, I bitched, I complained and in the end I found happiness when Katherine did not win. Later, when rumor TV outed her as a bulimic, I cheered on the inside, cause I knew, I just sensed - that she was a girl on the verge of eating a dozen cupcakes and that although she proudly sported her D-cups, I could plainly see that once she turned the corner on 21 and reached the more humbling age of 31 she'd be a fat ass. Super shiny hair and teeth of a superior grade white won't console her when she, already a size 12 I presume, ends up a size 16. And as I understand it, binging and purging isn't easy on the teeth... Unless ofcourse she's a laxative junkie variety bulimic --- Nothing I care to discourse on further.
I am not watching the current reality music competition, the one with the rockers... Not a single episode. I know it exists and I'm staying away. My TV watching energies are all being focused on fashion for now - Project Runway.
And, I love Michael Knight.
I am not watching the current reality music competition, the one with the rockers... Not a single episode. I know it exists and I'm staying away. My TV watching energies are all being focused on fashion for now - Project Runway.
And, I love Michael Knight.
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