When he said A, he meant B

I should have known when he said his penis was medium sized and that he only went down on "girls he was in love with" it really meant he had a small penis and wasn't especially skilled in the plan B ways of providing girls pleasure. Lesson one: Medium means small and small means tiny.

Lesson two: If it falls from the lips of a guy with a beer in his hand, chances are it's not really a conversation you're in but the target in a plot for getting panties around ankles. If there's a chance he can take you home that night instead of having to call you to meet again a week later, he'll choose the same night option every time. When a guy is sending a clear channel signal that he is single, looking, successful and monied, he is counting on you to seize the moment because a catch so good won't be available for long... He actually expects you to believe that if you let him out of your sight for even a moment some mythical Manhattan man catcher will snag him during the short walk from the bar to the cab on the corner, so don't let him out of your sight. The catch me tonight approach, is a bar standard and generally works on my younger, more naive sisters. It's not for use on a slightly older, way wiser, been in plenty of bars type like me. I find that approach highly transparent and any glimpse of it makes me want to lead a guy on all night, use my best seduction techniques, imply plenty, conveniently forget to mention I have a boyfriend so that after investing several predator hours in trying to bed me, he ends up feeling used, having been taken for a ride.

In my 10 plus years of meeting boys in bars, I can comfortably say I've heard it all and am pretty spot-on with the he said this and means that part of knowing boys. A more disturbing trend I've noticed lately is in the behavior of my current's dear friends. I have repeatedly been flirted with and hit-on by guys that are supposed to be good friends of the guy I've been seeing these past months. It's pretty weird and at first I thought perhaps I'd become somewhat arrogant over time, thinking no man could resist me, but a come-on is a come-on and I'm old enough to read the signs. Perhaps when "Sleazy Guy 1" touched my bottom, I overreacted. My response of "Don't touch me, are you fucking crazy?" was met with "Oh, I was admiring your pants." I guess its possible (but highly unlikely) that my well styled look/adorable pants were just so irresistible, he had to touch the fabric to confirm such a dreamy outfit was in fact real. Another so called friend, I'll call him "Sleazy Guy 2" openly insulted my beau whenever we were left alone in what appeared to be a don't leave the party with him, but instead with me maneuver. A disturbing trend indeed, as if a girl comes to a party with her boyfriend and could be persuaded to leave with her boyfriend's buddy instead.