I can hear it now, “Tipper, we have to move back to Tennessee, NY is full of sinners. I saw a hooker in Starbucks today.” “Al, you’re over reacting.” “I am not! She lifted up her dress in the middle of the day, in a public place in a move that was clearly meant to advertise her wares, Tipper, trust me, I know Evil when I see it.”More like: I was meeting someone a block away at Balthazar and arrived early. I thought a quick cup of coffee would be a safe idea, way safer than starting out at the bar and ending up drunk even before my lunch appointment started. That just isn’t a good idea when you have to head back to the office before too long. The coffee was just a time killer. I barely took a sip. I mostly stared into my compact, touched up my lipstick and made sure my garter/hose were secure. Maybe I’m a little shameless, but I didn’t think examining my hose in a crowded Starbucks in Soho qualified me as a blatant exhibitionist. It was a pretty automatic move and I didn’t think much of the eye contact I made with a table of three obviously southern business men who’s glance I caught when I looked up from my hemline. I continued my wait, repeatedly looked at my watch and sipped my coffee, wishing someone would get up and I could have their oversized, overstuffed seat.
It wasn’t until 15 or so minutes later, when a very young, very gay and very excited Starbucks employee approached me that I’d realized the men I pulled my dress up in front of included former VP and bible verse lover, Al Gore. The Starbucks guy just wanted me to know he thought it was great how I showed off my stuff, and he was waiting for the secret service guys to cuff me. A woman, who I hadn’t noticed before, with a thick French accent, was giddy with excitement at having spotted a celeb. I was thinking, since when is Al Gore a celebrity? I assured French woman and Starbucks guy it was unintentional. I promptly left the suddenly and eerily empty coffee shop.
My point: it’s stocking season world, beware. I have thighs and I’m not scared to expose them.
3 comments:
YOU flashed Al Gore?!? I'm so jealous!! I accosted Senator/Vietnam Vet Max Cleland when I went to the capitol as an eighth-grader. I had been looking around at the paintings and pics in the capitol hall when I realized that my group was upstairs already. I ran to catch up with them, maneuvering corners and whatnot when I ran smack into a fellow in a wheelchair. Startled and perpetually giddy (I'm an eighth-grader, remember), I manage to say, "Heyyyyy, babe!" and trot off. Five minutes later, I'm in a group shot next to what I then realized was the senator. He didn't get to see my thighs, though, which is probably a good thing.
Susie B.
that was close --- like Al, Max is also a very religious man. The added element of him being a cripple just would have made the whole situation too sleazy, glad Max wasn't in the starbucks that day. I doubt his pipes even work him being in a wheel chair and all. All those limitations aside - Max is a good enough fella, he gave a real nice speech when he introuced John Kerry at that last, failed, democratic convention. Darn shame about his legs.
One last thing Sus --- Can't wait to see you girls in June!
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