A N T I C I P A T I N G --- yet trying to live life in the moment

March 16, 2007

2 weeks and 2 worlds later

2/28/07, 9:00pm, I leave a message for the guy, who i don't exactly like, but am obsessing over because he's stopped calling me.
2/28/07, 9:45pm, The guy, that I left the message for, that I don't love, that I think should love me, but doesn't, calls back.
2/28/07, 10:53pm, The guy I am obsessing over, who is a dullard, is boring me on the phone, conversation is thin and going no where
2/28/07, 10:55pm, The girl (me), who was previously obsessing about a guy who wasn't into her, isn't into him either.
2/28/07, 10:56pm (I thank him for returning the call, and promptly say good bye)

So, I'm no longer into the guy who didn't deserve a shot, but got one anyway, then didn't realize how lucky he was, who should have made every conceivable effort to win me over, but didn't. Two weeks later I fully realize, he was lame, an accountant, lives in NJ, has borderline erection and ejaculation issues, can't get dirty into it or heavy hit, and in the end comes out dry. Oddly, he continues to text me, every few nights, not for booty, not for anything, except to say, how are ya?

Well, If you must know, I'm doing rather well; I'm out to dinner, shopping with a friend, having a drink, sleeping with a guy, watching a movie, telling a funny story, getting dressed to go to a party, that's how I am.

Truth is, I'm on the verge of a perfect spring. I gave notice at work today, that March 30th will be my last day at the "Co." After an hour long attempt, by the person I report to, to persuade me to stay, I point blank say, what's in it for me? What's the benefit for me? Why should I want to stay? I say to him, get me an offer, on paper that I can consider over the weekend, otherwise, we have nothing else to say. How much did I have in mind? I dropped the number, he dropped his jaw. That's what it would take to keep me here. My point exactly.

So now I tidy up my files, delegate my work, update Mr. Chief Legal Officer on the status of my projects and end another chapter. I feel like a ten year old, on a sunny fourth of July, my ice pop melting faster than I can eat it. Sugar water dripping down my arm, food coloring staining my shirt, me trying to get past the lemon to get to the blueberry without the entire pop falling off the stick. That's how I feel; that's how I am.

That. Is. How. I. Am.

2 weeks can make a world of difference, can lighten a load, change a path, find you laughing while you type alone in your apt., knowing that spring and sandals and a few days in Paris are only 2 more weeks away.